I Hate You, ESPN

I love sports. I completely understand the need for a 24/7 sports news network.

I hate ESPN. I simply cannot understand the need for a 24/7 hype machine with more “faux” news than actual news.

Unfortunatley for me – if I want sports information to project from my television – ESPN is it. There is a recurring theme in my household that follows this pattern daily:

1. Get home from work

2. Retreive multiple remotes from some hidden drawer where they have been banished by the wife for reasons of “ugliness.”

3. Sit on sofa whilst turing on multiple electonic devices.

4. Flip through 50+ channels dedicated to sports programming saying over and over in my head “please let there be something on other than SportsCenter.”

5. Dissapointedly realize there is no alternative and turn to ESPN.

6. Yell in disgust at one or more of the following anchors/analysts/so-called experts for saying something that either

     – Has 0-8% of factual truth to it — offenders include (but are not limited to): Doug Gottlieb, Chris Mortenson,  Chris Broussard, J.A. Adande, et al.

     -Has been repeated ad naseum for 3-10 years — offenders include (but are not limited to): Stuart Scott, Chris Berman, John Buccigross, Scott Van Pelt, et al.

     -Is only said by an idiot — offenders include (but are not limited to): Jay Bilas, Mark May, Skip Bayless, Mark Schlereth, Jay Mariotti, Eric Wynalda, et al.

This disgust has grown over the last 5+ years as ESPN has become so gigantic that they are literally everywhere. I can’t even hide by turning to ABC anymore now that ESPN handles all programming of sports on Disney owned properties. Other stations can’t compete because the self proclaimed “Worldwide Leader” outbids them for anything from bowling and women’s billiards to the NBA and World Cup.

This disgust hit an all time high over the last few weeks as the ESPN teamed up with Lebron James to create the biggest clusterf#*k of all time.  We literally just spent an entire month where AT LEAST half of every ESPN show was about Lebron James and what he “might” do.

What he MIGHT do.

It all came to a head with last night’s absurd abomination of a show that ESPN and the self proclaimed “King” named “The Decision.”  Literally an entire hour dedicated to one NBA player choosing a team in Free Agency. I can just see Michael, Magic and Larry sitting in their living rooms shaking their heads in shame/disgust.

Is it really too much to ask for a sports news network that just gives us the news? Is this unreasonable? Am I a bad person because I don’t want Jay Bilas to tell me someone is great because of their “length” or “wingspan” even though they’ve never done anything in college? Is it strange I would rather hear the opinion and real news from someone who has some intelligence and insider information like Buster Olney, Michael Smith or Micheal Wilbon instead of someone spraying vomit nonsense like Skip Bayless or Mark May?

I hate you, ESPN.

Heyyooo!

Strange name for a blog?  Well for starters I am not drunk and if I was eating chicken (I’m not) I would certainly be able to taste each succulent bite.

The name comes from a quote from the very quotable Will Ferrell. Or as I like to call him – the funniest man in the history of our world of humans.

As with most of the blogs available for you to read at every end of the earth featuring topics on every walk of life – this blog may or may not be your cup of tea.

I just felt it was finally time to get some of the random thoughts I have written down, where anyone can access them, so in a few years my 7 followers (Hi Mom!) can see that I was A) Wrong 90% of the time B)An idiot.

I like a lot of random things and will surely cover them all here.  Hopefully I get a chance to chat with you so we can talk about why I am wrong and you are right.

There’s not much to look at now – but come back soon and feel free to look around.  I promise, at the very least, this blog can be an outlet for you to go to work and say, “Have you visited www.toodrunktotastethischicken.com yet.  Wait, of course you haven’t.  Anyways – that guy is an idiot.”

Thanks for coming. See ya’ll soon.