I Hate You, ESPN

I love sports. I completely understand the need for a 24/7 sports news network.

I hate ESPN. I simply cannot understand the need for a 24/7 hype machine with more “faux” news than actual news.

Unfortunatley for me – if I want sports information to project from my television – ESPN is it. There is a recurring theme in my household that follows this pattern daily:

1. Get home from work

2. Retreive multiple remotes from some hidden drawer where they have been banished by the wife for reasons of “ugliness.”

3. Sit on sofa whilst turing on multiple electonic devices.

4. Flip through 50+ channels dedicated to sports programming saying over and over in my head “please let there be something on other than SportsCenter.”

5. Dissapointedly realize there is no alternative and turn to ESPN.

6. Yell in disgust at one or more of the following anchors/analysts/so-called experts for saying something that either

     – Has 0-8% of factual truth to it — offenders include (but are not limited to): Doug Gottlieb, Chris Mortenson,  Chris Broussard, J.A. Adande, et al.

     -Has been repeated ad naseum for 3-10 years — offenders include (but are not limited to): Stuart Scott, Chris Berman, John Buccigross, Scott Van Pelt, et al.

     -Is only said by an idiot — offenders include (but are not limited to): Jay Bilas, Mark May, Skip Bayless, Mark Schlereth, Jay Mariotti, Eric Wynalda, et al.

This disgust has grown over the last 5+ years as ESPN has become so gigantic that they are literally everywhere. I can’t even hide by turning to ABC anymore now that ESPN handles all programming of sports on Disney owned properties. Other stations can’t compete because the self proclaimed “Worldwide Leader” outbids them for anything from bowling and women’s billiards to the NBA and World Cup.

This disgust hit an all time high over the last few weeks as the ESPN teamed up with Lebron James to create the biggest clusterf#*k of all time.  We literally just spent an entire month where AT LEAST half of every ESPN show was about Lebron James and what he “might” do.

What he MIGHT do.

It all came to a head with last night’s absurd abomination of a show that ESPN and the self proclaimed “King” named “The Decision.”  Literally an entire hour dedicated to one NBA player choosing a team in Free Agency. I can just see Michael, Magic and Larry sitting in their living rooms shaking their heads in shame/disgust.

Is it really too much to ask for a sports news network that just gives us the news? Is this unreasonable? Am I a bad person because I don’t want Jay Bilas to tell me someone is great because of their “length” or “wingspan” even though they’ve never done anything in college? Is it strange I would rather hear the opinion and real news from someone who has some intelligence and insider information like Buster Olney, Michael Smith or Micheal Wilbon instead of someone spraying vomit nonsense like Skip Bayless or Mark May?

I hate you, ESPN.

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3 Comments

Filed under General Fodder, Sports

3 responses to “I Hate You, ESPN

  1. Beach

    “This place is run by a bunch of children.” -Ron Burgundy

  2. Matt –

    I am in total agreenance but I would say the same thing about the 24 news networks. It seems that all of these “faux news stations” are all about making ratings and bringing in as much money as they can, instead of telling us the news.
    Instead of the news we are given the following personalities: Glenn Beck, Tony Kornheiser, etc.

    Cole.

  3. Exactly why there needs to be a discrepancy between “real” news channels and those HEAVILY doused in opinion (i.e. all of them currently).

    These guys on ESPN, CNN, Fox News, etc. can yell at whoever they want – I just don’t want it to be me.

    I would however watch a faux news channel that showcased Ron Burgundy types 24/7.

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